Oh boy…

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

I just read this article and my head is spinning. Part of me really understands what she is saying, I agree with some of her points. I, however, feel like there is a big piece of joy missing from her kids life, and likely hers, based on the amount of time and energy she is putting into controlling everything.

One point that I really found useful and true is that NOTHING is fun until you are good at it, and you are not good at anything without WORK. Lots of WORK. I do agree that even if it seems mean it is my job to make my kids WORK. Otherwise I am doing nothing but watching them “get by” and not excel. I’m not going to withhold bathroom breaks to make her get a piano piece perfect, but I will push her and push her and stand there and put the time in to make her work. I think that is less about teaching her a piano piece, or spelling drills, or subtraction and more about teaching tenacity.

I really do think that as a culture we want everything to be fun and easy and I think learning that most things are not fun, easy or fair (a word I hear all the dang time) is going to make them more successful and happier adults. If they have the idea that things are just too hard then they will always feel out of control of their lives and struggle for success. You hear the phrase, “You can be anything you want to be…” all the time. I think I need to teach my kids that it is true but that it will require a ton of work and that whining and tears and complaining will get you absolutely nowhere. It might suck for awhile but then when they accomplish the task their esteem and pride is going to be so much more than if it just was something that came easy.

For example, the girls need to learn my phone number (for their homework). We have been working on it here and there and I put a sticky note with my number on the fridge so they could see it frequently. This morning I asked Maddy, what’s my number? “I don’t knooowwwww….” was her reply. Okay, I said, go to the fridge and read my number 10 times. She did. I walked over and said “what’s my number?” And guess what? She got it right. She got this huge smile and gave me a huge hug. She was proud of HERSELF. That feeling had nothing to do with me being proud, it was about her being proud. She put in the work and SHE got that sense of accomplishment.